dude i'm inner monologue high
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
