Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just found puke in my bra..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
