Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
