Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
