My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
