and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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