My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
