I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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