thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
