Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
