My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
