this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
