Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
