she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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