I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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