I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
