it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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