Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
