Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
