her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
