i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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