Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
