____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
