I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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