It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she told me i tasted like america
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
