my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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