I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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