You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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