I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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