I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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