I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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