sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just found a bag of teeth...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
