I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
