you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
