4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
