I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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