OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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