So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
