I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
