im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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