I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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