You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think people are normalizing furries
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
