Have you finally orgasmed yet?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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