Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
