so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
As shirtless as possible
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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