I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
