Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
