somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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