Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
