I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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