and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
