now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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