bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
