Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
