Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
