i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
