Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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