3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
