Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize