Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
