Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize