he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
