the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
