My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
