she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
