I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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