Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
