my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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