Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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