She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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