His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I believe in your delicious
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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